watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
