On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
