id be glad to
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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