My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
