there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
