we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
