Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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