You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
