shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
