But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
