Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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