my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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