he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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