U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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