May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
