If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
