I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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