Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
