Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
