I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
