I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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