When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
