she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
