I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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