How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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