Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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