it was like eating out sand paper
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
