Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
