i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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