Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Two words: blizzard sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
