are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
