Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
