two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize