smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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