he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
