Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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