States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
