: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are the jesus of drinking
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
