How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
