I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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