3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
