operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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