thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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