I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
