I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I deserve this hangover.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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