Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
