im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
