So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
