Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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