Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize