Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize