TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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