dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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