im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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