Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
