there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize