"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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