Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
