We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
