Swine flu. Run for my life!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
