I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
