the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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